So "maybe", it was the alcohol after all

I got ta thinking about all those stupid situations that I used to get in. I also got ta thinking how I never seem to get in those predicaments any more. I don’t think I’m any smarter, at least no one has ever said anything to me to indicate that they thought I’m any smarter. The only real thing I can think of that has changed is the amount of alcohol consumed, hmmm. I haven’t had to run out of anyone’s house at 4:30am because a madman wanted to kill me. Trashing a van driving over snow-banks to escape, only to grab a gun and low-crawl back into his house 20 minutes later because I’d forgotten a pile of cash. I haven’t been asked to steal the “said” van and drive it across 12 states to dump it. I haven’t stayed up all night building a catapult to try and launch a friend onto a roof. I haven’t asked any waitresses to marry me. I haven’t dropped my pants in any old couples living room, while I was waiting for the cops to show up because of an accident. I haven’t driven any jeeps up any straight inclines at 40mph, hurtling me thru the air and landing on the nose with the back full of plate glass shelves. –The whole engine fell out on that one. I haven’t tried to shoot anyone with a potato gun. I haven’t been shot by a potato gun. I haven’t stripped anyone naked because they said I couldn’t. I haven’t been in any hot tubs with old fat chicks. I haven’t gone camping with any hallucinating drug addicts. I haven’t leaped out of any fast moving boats. I haven’t spent any time in jail because of a bar fight. I haven’t “remodeled” any hotel rooms. We thought adjoining rooms would be better. I haven't had a transvestite try and rub my ass. That’s a partial list of things that I just don’t get the opportunity to do any more. I’m to busy making supper, which I have to do now. Or possibly it’s because I have grown and I’m now an adult-Think? No wait! It wasn’t the alcohol at all!! I wasn’t married, yet. It’s Karin she is the one who stopped the madness. She's the new brains in the operation- Iam smarter!!.... via proxy. Come to think of it, I haven’t stopped drinking at all. Thank goodness it’s not the booze…..